Columns

[one_half] Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. [/one_half][one_half_last] Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. [/one_half_last]

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[one_third] Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Please do not offer my god a peanut. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. [/one_third] [one_third] Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Please do not offer my god a peanut. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. [/one_third] [one_third_last] Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Please do not offer my god a peanut. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. [/one_third_last]

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[one_fourth] Inflammable means flammable? What a country. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl? [/one_fourth] [one_fourth] Inflammable means flammable? What a country. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl? [/one_fourth] [one_fourth] Inflammable means flammable? What a country. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl? [/one_fourth] [one_fourth_last] Inflammable means flammable? What a country. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl? [/one_fourth_last] [hr] [one_half]

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