In this episode of LOGLINE we review submissions from Wal Friman, Harriet Miller, Aray Brown and Michael Aliotti.
These four submission all support really good stories. However a logline like Wal’s can drift across into marketing.
Wal’s logline was concise and may peak the interest of the reader but at the end of read it, you didn’t know they story. It was in fact as well crafted tagline. It would be a great opening line of a pitch or movie review.
Harriet’s logline was nicely written. There were a few edits suggested to remove some words and make space in her logline for more story. As a writer myself I do what Harriet did, I make the same point twice. I will assume that the reader needs to have things underlined when they don’t. Harriet got a complete story across in her logline, but with this extra space she can add detail.
Aray Brown’s logline was complete and got the entire story across. I suggestion I made here is to perhaps start with the character’s new life. Then have this new perfect life taken from her. This may happen in the story, but that wasn’t in the logline.
Michael’s logline was like a greatest hits of his story. I can see the start of his logline as a very cool opening shot of a movie. Then like those cool shots that establish era and tone, they are never revisited. Just like a list of greatest hits the logline needed something to tie all the elements together. This “connective tissue” will also give the logline a pace and direction.
I’d like to thank these four brave souls for putting their work out in the world. Being the first episode of the podcast they were operating purely on good faith and I I hope I have repaid that faith with some good advice.
If you are a brave soul like these good people or a writer that would like advice on their story or logline. Please complete the submission form that can be found here.
I am going to send a copy of “Logline” to each of the brave four. This and others books can be found on the Books page of the website.
If you like the podcast please rate and review it on whatever platform you downloaded the episode. You should also subscribe as a way of hearing advice given to writers such as yourself. I hope that through the logline podcast we all learn and succeed together.